Friday, December 4, 2009

How Some Men DO NOT Cheat

With all the drama of one famous man's latest alleged escapades outside the confines of his relationship making everyone talk about the subject of cheating, I got to thinking about it.

It doesn't really matter to me what Tiger Woods did or didn't do so much as does the irresponsibility of it all, just as most things that bother me usually come down to this one 'small' problem us humans have - the males of the species displaying this trait all too well.

You see, all humans come equipped with a set of built-in needs that are hardwired and somewhat necessary to our survival and our sanity:
- We need to eat and we need to breathe.
- We need to be looked after for the first few years of our lives, to be protected and nurtured, as such.
- We need basic shelter, be it a house, a hut or a shirt.
And I believe, just as importantly that:
- We need to love and be loved
- We need to express ourselves sexually

None of these things are necessarily 'good' or 'bad', but I'd have to argue strongly with anyone who cared to on any of these points.
In fact, I'd go so far as to say that if any of these needs goes unmet or challenged for any unnatural length of time, there are always repercussions, some of which have most likely led men to such actions as the creation of new religions and the waging of war all in the name of either subduing or satisfying these innate needs.

And yet, man stands tall and walks proud, telling himself that he is more than these needs which he has yet to learn to control. He tells himself that he is not an animal, yet does he do enough to separate himself from the behavior of animals to be worthy?

We do have one difference between us and the rest of nature which makes a world of difference and yet which we don't use to it's full potential - we are self-aware and have the knowledge that our actions have consequences. We can make conscious choices.
Animals run on pure instinct, and I love them for it. I am vegan for that exact reason - to advocate that all creatures be allowed to live and die freely, breathing their last breath naturally, just as us humans believe it is our birthright to do.

Humans have the ability to act with the knowledge that their actions will effect reactions that can be anticipated. You would think that after milenia of pondering the idea of life and our existence that we would understand that a bit more fully. Philosophers (mostly male), religious leaders (mostly male) and political leaders (mostly male) have all rambled on about the various moral and ethical codes we should live by, apparently to no avail. But really, how could we expect to collectively agree on a way of living when we each have our own daily struggles with the 'simple' issues of happiness and life satisfaction.

At the very least, I'd like to advocate a return to personal responsibility at a very basic level, which is a much, much harder thing to do than you may realize.

How does this all tie together, and WHY don't some men cheat, you're asking by now?

Men cheat because they are hardwired for sex and don't control themselves.
When men cheat they are making a conscious choice to satisfy a base need at the expense of the value of honesty in a relationship.
When men cheat they are causing emotional pain and suffering in another human life.
Every action has a reaction.
I'm sure that somewhere inside Tiger knew this.

Some might argue that only in getting caught did he cause any harm. What if he never got caught in this lifetime? Would that make a difference?
I can't imagine that someone who cheats on a partner can still bring everything to that relationship that is needed when a part of them is tied to someone else. I don't think any human has that capacity. There are too many dynamics to being human and it is these things that make us who we are. And in the end, even the cheater knows s/he and has to live with his or her-self.

I like to play a game with myself when I have 'thoughts' running around in my head, as we all do from time to time. I like to think that after this life is over and we're all together in one mass consciousness, that we all know everything about everyone instantaneously. What this means is that it isn't whether you get physically caught in life for doing certain things that matters, but whether you do these things at all.

I'm not saying that thinking about a beautiful woman doesn't happen to yours truly. It does. Every damn day I'm sure I see a pretty woman and a thought runs through my mind. But then I go on with my day, living my life the way that I want to so that I can be at peace with myself and hopefully be a part of good things with those around me.

It seems we live in a time, as my wife and I often notice, where most folks can't notice something just for the sake of it. We point out beautiful people to each other all the time, but it doesn't take hold and we don't need to do anything about it to have a satisfied life. If the thought does stick around, talk about it together or keep it in your head for your fantasy life - we all have one, you know, and it's a healthy part of life.

I'd like to finish with just a simple thought for all the men out there (although it really applies to everyone): take responsibility for your actions and be honest in your relationships.

A real man will communicate openly with his partner.

Maybe if Tiger had told his wife he wanted to use his notoriety as a star athlete and wealthy man to have a lot of sex with other women as well as her, he wouldn't be in this mess.

Of course, maybe I'm thinking a little to big to have such expectations from men at this point in time, but I have to dream a little bit, lest I should vanquish any hope for the male of the species.